October 16, 2010

Drunk eating...

It's no secret that a few bevvies make you hungry but why is it that after putting even a couple of drinks away that you can eat your body weight in under 0.2 seconds.

When sober, I would never dream of eating a whole deep fried chicken but give me 4 or 5 vodkas and I find myself capable of consuming 4 peoples normal amount of food in record time.

For example, the other night, me and 4 mates had drunk 3 or 4 bottles of red over some scintillating conversation and on the way home I was inexplicably drawn to brixton kfc, normally a place that I would avoid at all costs.

My only concern whilst ordering my meal which consisted of a chicken burger, 2 individual pieces of chicken and a corn on the cob, was that it also came with chips! Like I needed chips! It seemed vital at the time.

I persuaded myself that I wouldn't eat it all but to my sheer horror I managed to inhale it in 2 minutes. I even adopted a 2 handed eating style to ensure maximum paw to mouth speed-something that I would never dream of doing whilst entirely compus mentus.

Also, due to my unnatural obsession with my teeth (I won't be friends with you unless your gnashers are perfect) I never drink soft drinks, but when inebriated, the sugary goodness that comes from a litre of sprite is like some kind of herbal nectar sent to soothe my soul.

I don't expect to ever be able to explain it. All I know is that when stumbling home on a Friday night, it's of vital importance to do so with my eyes closed. There is just way too much temptation and I have way too little will power.

It proves tricky at 5 in the morning I tell you!


  1. seriously... I was BORN with fucked up "gnashers"! now I feel all alone...

  2. i'm sure we could still be friends!

  3. I hope the reason you don't post on this brilliant blog is that you're dead, and not that you have finally descended into a state of laziness so deep, there is no return. It's been a year.