Why is that one place that people seem to believe that it is a good idea to strike up conversation is the gym? I like a good chat as much as the rest of us, try and ask me a question on the street and, with the exception of charity workers who I avoid like the plague, I will stop for a second, consider the most appropriate and informative answer and I will practically sing it back to you. That’s the kind of helpful girl I am. Ask me directions and even if I haven’t the faintest idea, I will try my best to get you as close to that spot as possible or find someone else who can help you. But if you try and chat to me whilst I am red in the face, sweating and clearly out of breath then be warned, I will be rude.
More often than not, I will be listening to some angry rock music at full volume so whenever this chatty person decides to try and engage me in some meaningless banter there are a couple of reasons why this angers me. Firstly, I will hesitate because I don’t know them, leading me to risk life and limb by looking behind me (very dangerous on the treadmill) to check whether they are in fact talking to me. Then I will have to remove my headphones. This just plain interrupts my flow and can result in a tripping hazard. Two reasons why hatred directed at the interrupter is a certainty.
I don’t know whether you have tried to talk when extremely out of breath? It isn’t easy. The most I can do is utter one syllable on my out breath and then as I try and hurry more oxygen into my lungs, I may be able to squeak another if you’re lucky. There is no way that I am going to be able to engage my brain enough to say something witty or insightful so therefore men out there – don’t try and chat me up at the gym.
I’m not going to pretend that this happens a lot. I have pretty much mastered the ‘don’t even think of talking to me look’. It involves looking angrily into the distance and trying to sweat as much as possible. The way I see it, the more that you sweat, the more people wont even want to go on the machine next to you and this is my end goal – keep everyone as far away as possible.
Now we’ve all seen Sex and the City – where handsome men just seem to materialise out of nowhere and ask the ladies out on dates no matter where they are, coffee shops, yoga classes, book stores. This doesn’t happen in real life. If these men were hot I wouldn’t try half as hard when exercising. I would actually think about what I wear rather than just throwing on the first pair of holey leggings that I can find and some stained vest top, inappropriate socks and what can only be described as hideous footwear. I cant afford sexy exercise gear, I’d rather eat. Also, dressing badly for the gym has become another defence mechanism which I assure you, if you are thinking about joining a gym in Brixton, you will need.
So remember, to avoid pesky chatty people in gyms around the world. Wear hideous clothing, terrible trainers, look angry and sweat as much as possible. It’s a tried and tested method.