My blog post about irrational fears got me thinking about other irrational emotions. I feel like I am pretty in control of myself – unless I’m watching X Factor and then I cry pretty much every 5 minutes OR if there is a puppy / kitten involved and then I turn into a cooing weirdo– but normally – I’m pretty together. I am Captain Cool.
(I’m not at all but I have always wanted to call myself Captain Cool – sorry!)
HOWEVER, this cool fascade is quickly replaced by an emotional mentalist any time that I am hungry. I call it “Hunger Anger” and I am pretty sure that I am not the only person out there who has it. I don’t often forget to eat, in fact, I plan my whole day around my meals but if there is ever a time that this happens or circumstances prevent me from eating at regular intervals as necessary then I feel it brewing in the pit of my stomach and I become mean. Snappy, irrational and just a total bitch. My fuse is pretty short at the best of times – I don’t really like the general public – but if I haven’t eaten then it literally takes someone looking at me wrong or a bad song coming on the radio and I will turn. If I was the Incredible Hulk and could turn green then I assure you that I would although I may choose a different colour – maybe purple. I feel that that would express my anger a little better.
My ex-boyfriend used to have “Hunger Anger” and I think that I potentially caught it from him. The signs were simple. He would look a little pale, he would answer me with one-word answers and would talk really quietly. It was like waiting for some kind of bomb to go off. We could be walking around looking for places to eat and he wouldn’t be able to make a decision but wouldn’t like any of my suggestions and then he would get all tense and then full blown “Hunger Anger” would set in and then we would argue and end up not eating. Not that much fun – hence why he’s an ex. I seriously kept Dairylea Dunkables in my handbag so that if I identified the symptoms then I could pop one out and suggest that he ate it. I had to tread carefully though – if the “Hunger Anger” had already set in then my suggestion would just cause it to flare up early. It’s a serious business.
I sometimes get irrational happiness. This is much more enjoyable and usually follows several caffeine rich beverages. The symptoms of this are a great deal of energy, unjustified loud laughter and usually (well pretty much always) rapping of some kind. I enjoy rapping. I’m not claiming to be good at it but I seem to know a great deal of gangster rap lyrics and busting them out is a lot of fun. If I’m with a friend sometimes I will couple my lyrical flow with some pretty shit hot dance moves. As I said, irrational happiness is much more fun than “Hunger Anger” and if you’re lucky enough to be around me in such circumstances then you will get a gangster rap extravaganza. Complete with explicit lyrics. The only problem with this is that I can never guess when this euphoria will come upon me and some of the rap lyrics aren’t entirely appropriate for everyone. Ah well, I did say that it was irrational. It’s uncontrollable – I can’t do anything about it.
Irrational sadness happens occasionally but this is normally due to watching too many “Chick – flicks” in quick succession. I mean have you seen “My Sister’s Keeper” – that is the saddest thing that I have ever seen and I think that I even cried for about an hour after the film ended. Don’t watch it unless you want to have swollen eyes for a week. Or, while we’re on the subject “Beaches”. Right, I’m nearly crying now just thinking about it. That’s irrational. Maybe I’m going to have a bout of irrational sadness right now. Or I could just drink a pint of coffee and bust out some Snoop Dogg for my roommate. She’s sleeping next to me on the couch but I’m sure she wont mind if I wake her up.