December 7, 2009

Break Up Blues

So I broke up with my boyfriend last week – boo hoo, sob sob yada yada. It sucks. I loved him but hey – life moves on. The thing that is bothering me though is that since we have broken up it is as if the world is plotting against me to throw things that remind me of him into everything that I do. I am sure that before I met him – I didn’t see pictures of windmills and adverts for Holland everywhere (he is Dutch), I never met anyone before with the same name as him and since we broke up it seems that every apple faced goon is called Marty or that every character in everything that I watch is his namesake. Before no-one I met ever wanted to know whether or not I had a boyfriend and now everyone wants to know my flaming business! It just seems god damned unfair – its like the world is saying to me “hey there, I know that you are having a hard time but I’m just going to remind you of it constantly just to piss you off”. Its like my sanity is being tested. Fuck you world.

I know that it may well be a subconscious thing. Maybe things remind me of him because he is on my mind but I think otherwise.  I think that somewhere out there is the break up fairy who is evil, small and malicious and her soul purpose is to prey on the recently heartbroken. I know that it seems far-fetched but it is the only explanation. I have examples. I have set up my screen saver to show photos from my collection and despite the fact that I have very few photos of us together – the only ones that appear in the screen saver are the ones of us. Weird. Check this out – whilst flying away from our relationship, bound for my parents house (depressing I know) the place that he works was advertised in the in-flight magazine. I mean come on! Maybe I just didn’t pay attention before but come on – give me a break! I am holding the break up fairy entirely responsible and I am going to hunt her down and fuck her up. Bitch.

Also, I cant help but notice that everywhere there are happy couples – they are following me, hiding behind corners waiting for me so that they can jump out and start kissing, they use me as a leaning post whilst they get it on. On the train yesterday there was a couple in front of me gazing into each others eyes and a couple behind me snogging each others faces off – I swear that I felt saliva splashing on my neck. This in turn led me to shout at a boy who cannot have been more than 10 who was threatening to beat up another child unless the he replaced the ‘smokes’ that he had given him. When did 10 year olds start smoking? I know that I have a habit of shouting at children but this one deserved it. I told him to shut up. He proceeded to try and hock up god knows what to spit at me. Look at me – I am arguing with minors – I was actually frightened – imagine if he had spat at me. I wouldn’t have been responsible for my actions. That bloody fairy – if I get my hands on her.

So even though I think that I am doing fine if my actions over the last few days are anything to go by I am most definitely not.  Its like I’m living in a world of couples and all things Dutch. I reckon that this fairy idea may be a little far fetched though so I am blaming this fully on replacing alcohol and weed with green tea and salad. That’s enough to send anyone crazy. 

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