December 8, 2009

A whole new world....

I’m quite partial to a stare off every now and then. I’m pretty awesome at it. In fact I think that I am unbeaten. The way that I see it a stare off is not only a test of physical prowess but also of mental strength. This has led me to conclude that the world would be a much better place if all disputes could be solved with staring contests.

Now I know that this seems a little far fetched but come on – think how good it would be? It would be the end of world leaders, as we know it.  It would abolish the need for all this bollocks politics malarkey and our world leaders would be the best starers from each country. People in gyms everywhere would no longer be pumping iron – instead they would be sitting staring at themselves in mirrors whilst they sweat. Who cares about physical fitness when all fights can be resolved in this way? It would eradicate the need to go to university – just think of the debt and liver damage that could be avoided. Another reason why this is such an excellent idea. I am patting myself on the back as we speak.

Picture war torn countries – instead of people being killed or hurt, soldiers would run at each other and stare. If you lose the stare off – then you leave the battlefield and eventually the best man prevails. So much more humane and much more of a spectator sport if you ask me.  It may prove a little more time consuming but I think that people are always in too much of a hurry anyway. We could recycle all weapons and think of all the fun stuff that we could make with all of that recycled metal. See – I’m even considering the environment here.  How very topical of me.

Bar room brawls as we know them would go out of the window. Weedy little guys could talk to hot women and when the big beefy boyfriend comes along it wouldn’t necessarily end in tears. In fact it would be like ‘revenge of the nerds’. Nerds everywhere would be winning over beautiful women with their mental prowess and steely eyes.

I know that it’s a little patchy and I cant’ really see it catching on but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t an awesome idea. I think that it could cause the world as we know it to cease and a new world to begin. A world which I would like to see – kinda like a modern day Garden of Eden if you will but without the snakes and naked people and religious undertones.  The only concern that I have is that stare offs could get boring but I have thought about this and just figure that if this happens people could also use thumb wars and ‘rock, paper, scissors’. I assure you that it is not just a coincidence that I am brilliant at all 3. I know that this may sound conceited but it is an actual fact. One day I will rule the world. Mark my words. For now I’m going to brush up on my staring. I hope people don’t think that I am creepy.

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