Today is a sad day for me. The time has come I think – at 26 years young – to finally stop calling everyone that I meet ‘dude’.
I have reached this conclusion after noticing that I don’t discriminate – to me, everyone is a dude. This is regardless of age, sex, and status. It’s caused a fair few raised eyebrows when I’ve been serving coffee to elderly ladies and gentleman and have handed them the coffee and said ‘here you go dude’. They are quite clearly not dudes. I also don’t think that children come under this category and most definitely not middle aged men who work in I.T and whose topics of conversation revolve around RAM (whatever the fuck that is) and how excellent last nights episode of “Two and a Half Men” was. I mean the sheer fact that they think that “Two and a Half Men” is excellent is enough to prove that they are nowhere even close to being a dude. Yet – I still call them it. Its like I am addicted to calling people dude. I have dude diarrhoea.
Now, I need to confirm that I have no links to surfing, skateboarding or anything else that would allow me to use this phrase as freely as I do. I have been known to dabble with the ol’ whacky baccy but nowhere near enough to have to call everyone dude because I no longer remember their names! I just love calling people dude – it flows off the tongue perfectly and provides me with satisfaction each and every time. I kind of like to see people’s reactions when I inappropriately label them dude. The other day – I even called my boss ‘dude’. Now that is a whole other story entirely but she is not the kind of person that you call dude. I think that I can safely say with 100% certainty that no one other than me will have ever called her dude. Maybe I should see it as providing a service.
I can become “Dude Girl” – and my duty could be to go around and dish out hippy, surfer vibes to those in need. Provide good time salutations to the masses. I can even get myself a cape. Wow, my plan is coming together nicely. Fuck giving it up – I needed an aim for 2010 – I think that this is a viable option. Screw the career. Sure that this is finally going to the thing that makes my parents proud of me. What do you reckon? I must stress though that it is vital that anyone reading this not divulge my identity otherwise it would compromise the integrity of my mission. I am trusting you all.