As we speak, I am in my house, the heating is up so high that the boiler is shaking with the physical exertion and I am wearing four different layers, tights and two pairs of socks. Brilliant.
No amount of hot chocolate is helping - in fact I am angry at all warm drink manufacturers who claim that their products can make you warm inside. They are lying, or they are targeting people who already have a body temperature of above freezing.
When I awoke on Tuesday morning, crawled out of bed, drank my obligatory pint of tea and noticed that it was snowing outside - I was full of joy. Snow! Who doesn't love it? It's magical and it's nearly Christmas. What more could we hope for?
The reality is entirely different.
Once you get past how pretty it is you realise that snow is nothing but a massive pain in the ass. Walking anywhere involves putting on as many layers as you can whilst still being able to do up your coat, wearing the only hat that you own and that you hate but that you are forced to wear otherwise the wind whistles into your ears and makes your brain say: " Amy, go back to bed". All this just to get some milk for your cereal.
It has made me realise why hibernation is a good idea. Our furry friends have it right. I would happily stay inside all winter and feast on the supplies that I had so cleverly been hoarding for the past months. I bet all those hibernating animals are drinking mulled wine in their nests, busting out their miniature nutcrackers to free those tasty delights that they have stored up and laughing at the stupidity of us humans.
Walking anywhere is an absolute nightmare. No matter how much grip your shoes have, walking on sheets of ice is not easy. People are falling over left right and centre. Ordinarily, I would find this highly amusing but its a whole different story when I too am one of those idiots. There is no avoiding it, you just have to learn to fall with grace...or convince yourself that that is what you are doing. My normal 10 minute jaunt to the tube station is now a 20 minute death slide of pain and humiliation.
Another annoyance which comes hand in hand with snow is that everyone seems to lose the ability to have a conversation about anything other than the snow and how disruptive it is to our transport system. BORED.
I appreciate that extreme weather is indeed a talking point but after you have established that, yes - it is cold and yep - journeys anywhere are a nightmare, can't we just stop talking about it and get on with being actual interesting people who have opinions and thoughts on anything aside from the weather?
I know I sound miserable but when you are running out of warm clothes, nothing clean will dry in your ice box of a flat and you have fallen down on average, thrice a day since Jack bloody Frost decided to stroll into town - you too would be cranky.
Now i'm off to fill up my hot water bottle, grab another pair of socks and have yet another hot chocolate.