Today I saw something that truly upset me. A TV advert for World Maths Day. What the hell? Can whoever they are be serious?! I mean, as world days go – surely World Maths Day is the worst idea of them all?
Do you think that they were all sat around one day in their little conference room (no doubt wearing beige) discussing what Days to introduce and some new guy had just started and when he suggested World Maths Day – the rest of the team were too nice to tell him that it is in fact the worst idea in the history of ideas ever to be thought of! Well, if this is indeed the case, they shouldn’t have been so nice to him. His idea sucks. I don’t know why I’m assuming that it was a he but it just seems right. What kind of woman would introduce a day where you have to do sums. No one that I would want to be friends with that’s for sure!
I know that we should encourage numeracy – I will admit that it is a positive thing but to dedicate an entire day to it is just total bullshit. A whole day spent doing numbers sounds to me like it would be worse than inserting nails under each of my finger nails. In fact, given the choice between the two, I would be hard pressed to make a decision. One would cause me no end of physical and mental pain and would require all of my strength to just get through it. The other option would mean that I could bleed my own blood and no one wants to bleed their own blood! What a conundrum!
So I thought I’d check out some stats on this World Maths Day crap and to my surprise it seems like a lot of people disagree with me. In fact over 2 million people from over 200 countries beg to differ when it comes to World Maths Day. This just doesn’t make sense to me. The way I see it, World Maths Day is a way of punishing children and should be made illegal under the Human Rights Act 1998. It is a basic human right to not be tortured, did they just totally disregard this law when plotting their evil plan!? Come on world! What are you frickin playing at.?
This got me thinking about what other days the world observes and my findings, I’m sure you will agree are pretty bizarre. These are my favourites:
1 – World Hypnotism Day
Surely this is risky. If everyone in the world is hypnotised then there will be no one around to do anything constructive. People will just wander around getting naked, acting out random sexual positions and will quack instead of talking. Hypnotists the world over will be laughing gleefully at the idea that for one dangerous day a year they are allowed to hypnotise whoever the hell they want. Seems foolish to me. I don’t trust hypnotists. Especially Paul McKenna. Why is it that all hypnotists have creepy voices? And they can control your mind – think about it… should it be allowed? I don’t think so.
2 – World Dance Day
The idea of this fills me with joy. In fact it is exactly the polar opposite of how World Maths Day makes me feel. Imagine a day where the whole world dances! Now that sounds like my kind of place. It would be like we we’re all in a musical and just imagine the amount of calories that you would burn. Double whammy. For your information, World Dance Day is on the 29th April. It’s coming. I am beginning a countdown.
3 – Right to Know Day
Right to know what? This just confuses me and it’s on my birthday. Now, every year on my birthday I will think about the fact that today is the day that I have the right to know. Just what I have the right to know I will never know! What a tongue twister.
4 – Global Handwashing Day
Now correct me if I’m wrong but shouldn’t everyday be a global handwashing day? I was always taught to wash my hands on a daily basis although I do admit – the odd time maybe I forget! But seriously, if there is only one day a year where we have to wash our hands as a world order then surely it is a distinct possibility that the world may end any day under the supreme weight of all the dirt that we are neglecting to wash off ourselves. Although it specifies that Global Handwashing Day is on October 15th, I urge you to rebel against the crowd and wash your hands on a much more regular basis!
There are loads! I am surprised. There are loads more but a lot of them are good causes so it would be just plain mean to say that they were anything else. A few other highlights include; World Toilet Day (Nov 19th), World Sex Day (Dec 1st) and World Hello Day (this sounds lovely although I’m pretty sure it would get boring after the first hour) . It doesn’t appear that there is anything of equal nastiness to World Maths Day but I did find World Computer Security Day. Snore! Surely this must be another idea by that same new guy. Someone sack him for Christs sake!