Why am i so massive?

Ok, so recently I have been enjoying the phenomenon of really small things! Sounds weird but let me continue. There seems to be a craze to buy really small laptops and gadgets of all kinds at the moment – in fact I even tried it myself – the problem was that whilst using my ridiculously small laptop all I could think about was the fact that it made me feel as though I was a giant! I felt like a huge cartoon giant typing on a normal human computer – oh how I laughed! So spurred on by the delight that this caused me (sorry – simple things!) I went on the search for other small things that could also make me feel like a ginormous super human!

Now, I’m not a massive fan of espresso – I like my coffee milky and sweet – but if I don’t order espresso then I don’t get the tiny weeny little cup that it comes in and then where’s the fun? If you are particularly lucky and find yourself in a café where they sell tiny little cupcakes then it is a double whammy of giant fun! When you hold the cup your hands look massive and you can eat the cake in one small mouthful as if devouring the bones of some unsuspecting innocent village dweller (preferably a child) as in most fairytales!

I know that some girls around my age get broody and look at baby clothes and think ‘wow, one day I hope I’ll be buying these blah blah blah”. Well I am the one standing there laughing at the baby shoes because yet again due to my slightly disturbed sense of humour I’m imagining that I am a giant and I’m marvelling at just how tiny this shoe is and then probably getting a little depressed because I’m massive and there is no chance that someone as big as me will ever be able to find yellow shoes with bumblebees on them. It just isn’t fair. And then I remember that I am in fact normal sized! But it is still a little bit upsetting that even though i'm normal sized - there is a distinct lack of shoes with bumblebees on them on the market.

I know that being a giant isn’t really that desirable a thing to be – I mean – it would be an absolute nightmare finding a pair of jeans to fit or trying to get on the tube or even trying to find a boyfriend of equal size. Furthermore no doubt you would inevitably face persecution from the townsfolk who would hunt you down with burning sticks and demand that you be put into a deep hole and kept there forever. However pretending to be a giant by standing next to small things and pretending to be massive is fun, free and hilarious – try it, you might like it.