Long Haul Hell.....

I don’t know about you – but I hate long haul flights. I seem to be the unluckiest person in the world when it comes to flying. I’ve had flights delayed, cancelled, been put in hotels over night, had to sleep in airports and been wedged in between overweight people who seem to be experiencing some extreme flatulence. Its not fun and it all seems so much worse because you are tired and always feel as though you need to clean your teeth.

There must be something about me that encourages people to start up conversations with me. I’m not unfriendly but realistically when embarking on a 25 hour journey to the other side of the world – I am not looking to make friends. I am looking to watch as many of the free movies as I can, drink all of the free booze that I am offered and try to snatch whatever snippets of sleep I can. I don’t want to talk about where other people have been and how their holiday was. So basically unless you are some super hot millionaire who can make me laugh, I will be giving one-word answers. It’s nothing personal – it’s just how I roll.

I watched a lot of TV as a kid and still do now and I appear to have been falsely lead to believe that by now there should be some form of teleporting available to the general public. Its been featured on screen for years and if it isn’t possible then that is just plain misleading! Think how much easier it would be if you could pop to the airport and just teleport to desired country! How much easier would that be than checking in bags, waiting for hours, being dehydrated and getting cramp! I hope that there are people working away in an important laboratory somewhere trying to figure this out. It would change the world.

Wherever there is a negative there always has to be a positive and this is sleeping tablets. They actually work. I feel slightly angry with myself that I have only just discovered their magical powers. Seriously, they knock you out and allow you to sleep in any position that you may have contorted yourself into AND you have awesome dreams. I have no doubt that I was shouting in my sleep and potentially participating in some sleep violence if my dream was anything to go by – it was truly terrifying. It made a day in the life of Jason Bourne seem like a walk along a tropical beach at sunset. There were guns, bombs, kidnappings, sex. It was excellent. If only I could remember the plot I would have a blockbuster movie on my hands.

I would definitely recommend popping a couple of pills to anyone seeing as your options are thus; you can stay awake and listen to idiots talking shit or watch movies featuring talking cartoon dogs or you can take a tablet pass out and dream as though you are a superhero. I know which one I would choose.